The role of facilitator is, of course, also an important role to practise if you want to get started with this. One of the most important things to keep in mind as a facilitator is that you do not address the person who is constellating, from a position outside of it, and that you accept that everything the person who is constellating does or does not do, he or she does from the position of the person being represented. That is why you never refer to the person representing by his or her own name, unless that person is constellating him or herself. You always refer to the representative by the name or theme or subject that he or she is representing. Give the representative plenty of space and time. For example, if someone has not said anything or moved for a while, you could say: “I see that you have been standing still and not saying anything for a while, is it okay if I ask you a question?” Or perhaps you don't want to ask, but simply state: “I see that you have not said anything or moved for a while, I would like to ask you a question.” And then you ask your question. For example, you could ask: “What is going on in your mind? Can you say something about that?”

Try to lovingly and understandingly get a picture of the person being represented, what he or she is dealing with, how he or she feels, what is going on, what he or she is thinking. Perhaps the person being represented has physical sensations, or a movement gives you an impression of what is going on inside. Ask about it, name it.

When the questioner positions him or herself in a constellation, you also involve him or her as a facilitator with your questions and comments. It may well be that the questioner himself or herself has the central role that needs to be looked at and needs help in a constellation. If the questioner positions himself or herself, his or her constellation is of course tuning in.

Sometimes it unfolds naturally and you, as the facilitator, do not have to do much.

See if you, as the facilitator, can remain detached from thinking about it. In other words, do not ask yourself: “What should I do now? Should I ask something?” Allow yourself to be present spontaneously, just as you are. Then, as the facilitator, you will probably be most in tune with the constellation.

A pitfall for the facilitator is to put the person you are facilitating into a reflective mode. In other words, as a facilitator, you ask questions that make the other person think. This applies to both constellations with representing and tuning into. Thinking does not belong in a constellation. So you never ask, “Why?‘ You stick to descriptions of the other person who is constellating, in the here and now. You yourself will not say anything about reasons either. Nor will you look for underlying motivations. For example, the question, “Do you think what you are saying now has anything to do with ...?" That is absolutely not allowed in a constellation. If you wish to do so, stop the constellation, sit down and talk together. Then you can reflect and put your brain back to work. In a constellation, you should not do this at all. In a constellation, you stick to what is happening in the here and now, without reflection.

Afterwards, you can also ask how you came across to the person being represented. The person who was the representative can probably tell you how your interventions came across to the person being represented, and perhaps also whether you left anything untouched. You can learn a lot from that.

And: even if not much happens, from what we ourselves see and hear, a lot may have happened energetically.

Another tip is to dismiss the people who took part (representing or tuning in) from their roles afterwards. As I learned from Ferry and Margrete (see the heading ‘References’ under ‘Other’), the questioner should place a hand on the shoulder of the person who took part and say: “Thank you, you are now just... (name)." This makes dismissing people from the constellation itself a small ritual. Online, this cannot be done in the same physical way. The questioner can still express their thanks and say the name. An alternative to placing a hand on the shoulder is to advise the other person to stamp their feet on the ground or take a sideways step.

You can ask me if you have any concerns or want to discuss something in your role as a facilitator.