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Your questions to ancestors

Your questions at the start of the ritual

The first place where you can ask questions is at the start of the actual ritual, once the stones have been laid out. In the thematic ancestor constellation, you will name the theme and ask ancestors who are connected to this theme in some way to come forward. This could be because they are struggling with the theme themselves, because they have struggled with the theme and overcome it, or because they can help with it.

You can always ask ancestors to pass on messages to you or to help you. You can ask this in general, without thinking of a specific theme or having a particular situation in mind. You can also ask ancestors who need help themselves and for whom a constellation in an ancestral ritual could be helpful to come forward. You can also invite ancestors to reveal something about themselves.

You can use the following format for the thematic ritual ancestor constellation:

I am … (first name).

I invite my mother/father, my grandmother/grandfather on my mother's/father's side, and their ancestors up to the tenth generation to be present here.

Ancestors, welcome.

I would like to ask ancestors who can help me in some way to come forward.

I am struggling with a problem concerning … (Describe what it is about in 2-3 sentences. You can also choose to name a few keywords and present them.)

Ancestors, if you feel connected to this issue in any way, I would like to ask you to come forward in this constellation.

(Or, if you prefer to call it a theme: I would like to focus on the theme of ... Ancestors, if you feel connected to this theme in any way, I would like to ask you to come forward in this constellation.)

I would like to ask ancestors who have a message for me to come forward.

I would like to ask ancestors to come forward to reveal something about themselves.

You can use the following format for the general ritual ancestor constellation:

I am … (first name).

I invite my father, my mother, both my grandmothers and both my grandfathers, and their ancestral lines going back ten generations.

Ancestors, welcome.

I would like to ask ancestors who can help me in some way to come forward.

I would like to ask ancestors who have a message for me to come forward.

I would like to ask ancestors to come forward to reveal something about themselves.

I would also like to invite ancestors who could use help from a constellation to come forward.

You bring these questions into the field by voicing them. Do not expect any ancestor to explain your problem or theme, or to give you useful tips. That is not how it works. An ancestor says something about themselves. Perhaps you will occasionally recognise your theme or problem in this. That may be enough to have a positive effect. The ritual constellation can set stuck energies in motion. There is a process and it takes time. The helping energies of guides and spiritual companions know better than we do what is needed in this.

At the beginning of the ritual constellations, the helper noted that a certain theme had repeatedly come up in a constellation. That is why I started calling that constellation the thematic ancestor constellation. The theme that the helper was referring to did not come from the person for whom the ritual was intended. This person had mentioned a certain issue at the start. However, the theme that caught the helper's attention became clear because many ancestors came forward who were unaware or only vaguely aware of their ancestral position. That was the theme on that occasion, and it was presented from the spiritual world, not from the questioner. The questioner's theme was also addressed, but in an indirect way.

Your questions during representation

You know when I start representing, which is when I have taken over the stone from you. When I am representing and you want to address the ancestor, you must always address the ancestor directly. This means that you say ‘you’ or ‘your’ to the ancestor.

It is important that questions are not asked about the ancestor, but to the ancestor, because this can greatly influence the process of representing. If communication is about the ancestor, it hinders the process of representing, and may even prevent it from working.

That can be quite difficult for you because just before that I was simply Edith. I am making room inside. When you address the ancestor directly, you bring the ancestor to the forefront of your consciousness. But you see Edith in front of you, that is the difficult part. Be aware that once you have given me the stone, it is now the ancestor. People who are familiar with constellations know this.

When you ask a question, an ancestor needs time to become aware of the subject of that question. The best way to imagine this is that a piece of consciousness emerges from an ancestor. That piece can become larger if an ancestor is helped by questions that connect with him or her.

If it is not clear, you can always ask whether it is a man or a woman. If you think you know and find the question unnecessary, you can consider checking your assumption, for example: “I think you are a woman/man, is that correct?”

Some other tips are: try to approach an ancestor from the perspective of the life they lived, rather than from the moment of this constellation, because that will not give you any information about the life they lived. It is also best to consider the ancestor as still being in that life in spirit. Ask questions in the present tense, about how things are, rather than how they were. Sometimes an ancestor will speak in the past tense. In that case, you can follow suit. Keep your questions close to the ancestor's reality and try to empathise with their life through your questions.

It may happen that at some point you find it difficult, or that you don't know what to do with an ancestor. It can be useful to have a few standard questions jotted down on a piece of paper.

“Is there anything you’d like to get off your chest?” is one such question that’s always appropriate if there’s a brief silence. If the silence lasts a little longer, you could also ask: “You’ve been very quiet. Is there a reason for that?” Or: “Why are you so quiet?”. How someone is feeling is also always a good question. “Is there anything on your mind or that has your attention right now?” That’s fine too.

Generally speaking, an ancestor will say something of their own accord. These constellations are guided from the spiritual world, and the helping energies, for their part, keep an eye on things to ensure that the constellation achieves its intended purpose.

You don’t need to think that if you don’t ask a question, nothing will happen. The ancestor knows that they have the floor for a moment, so to speak. They find themselves in a situation where they usually reveal something of their own accord.

And, what would you like to know about an ancestor?
You could also choose to be curious and ask questions instead. It’s therefore a good idea to have a few basic questions to hand. You’re free to try and get a sense of what your ancestor’s life was like. If someone can’t tell you much, you’ll pick up on that from their reactions.
A good opening question might be: “Can you tell me a bit about your life?” Let an ancestor speak from their own life experience.
Other basic questions include, for example:
Are you a man or a woman?
How old are you, roughly?
Can you tell me something about what you’re feeling or experiencing right now?
How are you getting on?
Why is that?
Do you know why you feel that way?
You’re on an ancestral line, which means you have at least one child. Are you aware of that?
How can I picture your life?
Are you well-off or rather poor?
Do you have many social contacts?
Do you have a steady partner? If it’s a man, you could ask: are you with the mother of your child (or children)? If it’s a woman, you could ask: are you with the father of your child (or children)?
Do you have the means to support yourself? How do you manage that?
Are you a free person, or do you feel bound by something? What is it, then?
Why is it that you feel free? What makes you feel free?
When it comes to feelings, you can always ask further questions to find out why something is the way it is.
You can also ask if there is anything you can do to help an ancestor, should they have indicated that they are in a difficult situation. Perhaps it helps simply that they can talk about it and that you are listening. Then we are on the cusp between their time and ours… But it can also give the ancestor the realisation that something does not have to remain unsolvable forever.

If an ancestor wishes to make contact, it is lovely and meaningful to respond to this. A hug is also appropriate if an ancestor asks for one. Sometimes ancestors need to experience love and support, and they expect you to be very willing to give them that, because you are the one inviting them. You yourself always follow in this regard; that is to say, you do not take such an initiative yourself, because you cannot gauge how their consciousness is present in this constellation. If they do not expect something from us here and now, yet are suddenly confronted with it, this can startle them. They are then vulnerable because, whilst they are present here, they cannot simply leave immediately. Bear this in mind and simply remain seated yourself, unless you are asked for a hug or a hand.

How do you know if a communication with an ancestor is sufficiently complete and can be brought to a close?

You often notice this when there is little response to questions about their life, or when the ancestor keeps repeating themselves. As long as an ancestor remains present, you can try asking questions to get more information from them.

An ancestor leaves when I step out of the session. Sometimes an ancestor announces this, sometimes not. You’ll see me do that. I’ll then step away from the ancestor’s spot. If you wish, you can still thank the ancestor at that moment by saying ‘thank you’, but you don’t have to.

If an ancestor is standing and you think the contact can be brought to a close, you can also say ‘thank you’. You’ll realise whether the ancestor feels the same, because I’ll step out of the representation. It may also be that the ancestor remains standing. If the ancestor remains present, the contact isn’t over yet. In that case, you can ask what the ancestor still wants to say, or ask about what the ancestor is experiencing, how she or he is feeling, or what’s on her or his mind.

Tip: Ordinary people

You may think that ancestors are in a higher spiritual consciousness because they no longer reside on Earth. That is not the case. This is because you are connecting with the person they were, not with their soul or their higher self. So the ancestor who comes forward is the ancestor as they were in that life. That is why you cannot expect insights and helpful advice about your current problems. Ancestors come forward from their own lived lives, with a sense of the present, because that is who they are.