edithbertrand.com
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Trance experiences
T Do not draw a distinction between every day life and meditation
The A stands for An, my counsellor, and the E for me. Dots indicate that the audio recording is inaudible.
E. ...
A. ...
E. It’s beautiful.
A. What do you see?
E. I see a gathering of Buddhas.
A. Try to sit there with your personality present too, and ask those Buddhas for support.
How does it feel when you’re sitting there?
E. I feel a sense of calm coming over me. I also feel myself growing stronger and stronger.
A. Let that really sink in, until it settles completely in your consciousness and in your body, in your ‘mind.’ Until you are truly convinced: I am getting stronger and stronger and I can draw on that every day.
How does it feel now?
E. The peace is growing ever greater.
A. Dive into it. Let it surround you completely. Be aware of that.
How does it feel now?
E. I’m listening to singing.
A. What sort of singing?
E. (I mimic the sound, a deep human voice.)
I’m going to look at it.
A. Where are you looking?
E. At that singing. I’m trying to find out why that singing is so...
A. So moving?
E. It moves me...
A. Is that what you’re looking at now?
E. Yes.
A. Have you reached the singing?
E. I’m not quite sure.
It’s not as if there’s someone singing it.
A. It’s a cosmic song.
E. As it were... ...
(About the singing, which arises from deep silence and reflects something from very deep within.)
A. What’s happening now?
E. I’m back within myself now.
A. How does it feel to be within yourself on this bench?
E. Calm.
I can see now that I’m applying a division within my consciousness.
A. Explain that to me, that division.
E. That I have, as it were, a different part for everyday life, and that is the division ... ... (I see meditating and finding peace as one thing; going to work and talking and so on in your everyday life I see as another thing. For that ‘other thing’ I have a ‘different part’, along the lines of: “I have to stay focused now and get things done and take the initiative and think things through and so on. Imagine if I just stayed calm; then nothing would happen.”)
A. What is that other part for?
E. I think it’s necessary for everyday life. But it isn’t necessary for everyday life.
A. What is it for, then?
E. It isn’t necessary at all. I think it’s necessary for everyday life ...
A. And why don’t you need it?
E. ...
A. From the peace and stillness, you can stand in everyday life. Do you have that strength?
E. That strength is ready.
A. That strength is ready to be used.
E. Yes.
That other part must stop being itself, cease.
So we’re going to approach this energy (from that other part) and talk to it to gain insight. Then... ... (This energy that I use for everyday life comes and joins the greater energy.)
A. What is that energy being taught now?
E. That it is incapable of looking after itself. That it can look after itself better with us.
A. Who is ‘us’?
E. With me.
A. How does it feel now?
E. I feel sluggish and weak.
A. Ask for energy, for healing energy. Open yourself up to it so that energy can flow.
Give that energy a colour, as it were, and let it flow through you.
Is that working?
What is the colour?
E. Blue. Dark blue.
A. Let it flow through your arms and legs. Be very aware that this energy is in your body
and activate it.
E. That’s enough.
A. Okay. Hold on to that energy and keep it with you because you need it.
17-3-2001
T The right way of life, the realisation that you can let go of everything, the house of the mother
When I look at this drawing, I think of the words vibrant, immense, vitality, and joie de vivre. In the red—the red rim of the heart—I see sadness and pain. I need to learn to live with that red rim. That red rim will always be there. Do you understand?
I’m crying.
You cannot be human and not carry that red edge in your heart. That red edge cannot be dissolved yet. But you don’t have to fight it. You don’t have to struggle with it. It’s all still there. Of course it’s there. You shouldn’t fixate on it. We cannot make it dissolve into light. It is about learning to live with it. It is about the right way of living. What is the right way of living? The light shines everywhere. It shines above and below. It shines inside and outside. Our flesh and blood is the edge. Our emotions are the edge. What is the right way of living?
No one can tell you that. It is about your relationship to the light. There need be no confusion about the things that are, as it were, within you, that you feel. There need be no confusion about that. From those things, from that confusion, you must withdraw. You are still too caught up in it. You think: “What is all that? I must do something with it.”
It is always about the relationship with the light. It is always about where things are easy. If you have an easy insight, you have an insight. The feeling of ease must come, and that is why you must let go of the problems. The relationship with the light is an easy relationship. There is always ease there. You cannot relate to the light and have problems, have a sense of problems. You cannot do that in the light.
It is always about the insight of taking a step back. The insight that you can step back from everything. That does not mean you are not right in the middle of it. That does not mean you are not completely immersed in it. But you can always step back.
In their feelings, a person is always alone. Beyond that, there is never, there is never being alone. There is never that loneliness. See everyone around you in light. You will then see all beings who are focused on the light and who shine that light. And then you will also know that you live there. That is where you live. That is why you have no problem. And that is why you can step back. That is my home. That is where I live. That is where I belong. That is where I always am. This dwelling is the heart of the soul. There we live as little children. We play and romp and fight and run about. The heart of the soul is our mother, is our great mother. You feel its love and the carefree nature of the children. So too is life. You must not worry that when you romp or fight, you will get dirty, that your clothes will get dirty, that you yourself will get dirty. There need be no confusion about that. The confusion arises when we think we are no longer in our mother’s house. But what is dirt in our mother’s house? It is simply wiped away from us and then it is no longer there. That is why we must not live as human beings. Whenever you think about this as a human being, you take on those human traits, how things are for humans. It is, as it were, a different vibration in your head, a different wavelength in your head. As it were: the clouds reach only this far, and above that the sun always shines. No more clouds reach there. Clouds no longer exist there. Below that there are clouds and storms, rain and wind and terrible temperatures, hot and cold. Above that there is none of that; there is always sunshine, always clear air. You develop that feeling yourself by opening yourself up. By taking a bath in the mother’s house time and time again. Then you will know who you are: a romping child, a frolicking child, a playing child, a fighting child. It is simply a child. The human remains, just as the temperature remains, just as the weather remains, just as the climate remains, just as winter remains and summer remains. But the sun is something quite different.
This is a clear image for me. I unite myself with the house of the sun.
18-7-2000
T Carrying nature within you
This is the world you can always carry with you and in which you can always live, where your heart feels free, where there is always space, where everything is always right. You can always live here. When you see how you get caught up in the day-to-day, you realise the difference. You can always live here.
2-4-2001
T Human in a straight line, secret nuclear power station
I must form a single beautiful, straight line. Everything else must dissolve into it. This straight line is the link between heaven and earth. I am not there yet. I need to find more peace within myself. I must be even more balanced. My thoughts must settle. I must stay in touch with this core, which is always calm and amiable, friendly. I still look too much to the left or to the right. This thread runs upwards from the earth. There is also another thread, which runs from above down to the earth. That is the thread that enlightens me, that will offer me help. I follow both lines. The earth thread is the thread of remaining in my core, remaining calm amidst everything. The high thread is the thread of insight into things. I need both threads to be able to do the work. It is a matter of feeling. If I feel the earth thread, I need not worry about the thread from above. If I do not feel the earth thread, I have nothing. So you can see how important this is. I still lose this thread too often.
If I stay in this earth thread, what about my emotions? Am I always calm then?
The emotions will be a natural flow. They will suit the situation. You will always be ready to withdraw them, just in case.
There is still too much thinking in the first place. In the emotions too. Primarily in the thinking. Thinking is the biggest problem. Because thinking creates the ‘mind’.
I can feel this earth thread now. I feel the current coming into my feet. I actually need to practise feeling this current. I can also feel it flowing right up inside me. I am now sliding back along the earth thread. I enter a dark, black environment, a cell or something like that. I feel that this excess cannot be here. There is absolutely no room for it. I cannot have it here because there is no space for it here. I am completely enclosed by the blackness. The blackness is a vibration. The blackness encloses me and is going to make me feel that vibration of the blackness. That is not possible if there is still room for anything else. It is a wave that starts in my feet and travels through my whole body. A larger wave, not finer vibrations. I lose myself in it. It is as if those waves are sweeping my consciousness out, so to speak. I am left behind, dead. The waves have completely enclosed me and I see this scene disappearing somewhere into a point.
I feel my consciousness as very broad and much larger, but I don’t know where I am. I have been thrust out of myself. Now I no longer feel any boundaries, of my own. Nor can I say for certain whether that consciousness I feel is me. It is as if I am not it. It is very broad. It has a deep, slow breath, a slow heartbeat. Now I hear the heartbeat. When I enter into it, as it were, I go even deeper. Then I am in another world. It is difficult to become aware of anything here. It is an enormous space, enormous, through which this heartbeat resounds like a deep, heavy gong, without making a sound. It is not a matter of sound. It is a sign of life, a centre that is constantly aware of itself and that beats the ‘I am’. It is a place where no one is allowed to enter. Access is forbidden here. This is an event of the utmost secrecy, the life that unfolds here.
Why is this a secret?
It is the power station. Everything is created from here.
I am now swinging away from this space that is truly infinite. Truly infinite. I do not know if I will ever end up anywhere. I now want to call my guides to get me out of here and bring me back. I focus on loving hands. I experience a blinding light through these loving hands. As if I am standing before a gateway of blinding light. As if two realities are touching. I want to let the light in. This light is the infinite streams of pure love. Without this light, nothing can live. This light is boundless, endless love. I see myself crying because this is beyond anything else. There is nothing more beautiful than this light that exists. I would like to remain in this light forever. I will never need anything else again. Now a pair of hands are coming to fetch me, blue hands. They say something like: “Edith, you must come now.” Okay. I am now returning to myself. “Right, that’s enough,” I feel within me. I thank all my guides and everyone and everything; I thank you very much. There is a great sense of gratitude somewhere. I am barely aware of it, but I feel that there is a great sense of gratitude somewhere.
I feel a sense of calm. I feel silence and certainty. I feel peace. Also an enormous sense of resignation. Taking a step back. Going my own way. I float above things. My core lies deep within the earth. I feel a great sense of connection, of being carried. Harmony. I also feel a great deal of indifference. That much no longer matters to me. As if I can’t take it anymore either. A great longing to go my own way.
2-11-1997
T There is nothing to strive for
Look, nature and life say, we’re reaching out to you.
I feel my own negativity like a little child whingeing and complaining.
Just let that little child tag along behind you; it doesn’t matter. As long as you don’t let it get to you. Don’t let it bother you. Don’t let it weigh on you.
I see something light, a gentle movement. What could that be? When I see myself moving within that gentle movement, I see myself growing younger and younger. I’m turning into a sort of tiny foetus. There is so much peace and space and silence here. Then I see a pair of large eyes watching. These eyes are black.
Look, when you are free, you are free. And when you float, you float. And then there is nothing else to strive for. You must come to understand, we must all come to understand, that there is nothing to strive for. You see people striving and then you know: this person cannot cope with the void, cannot cope with the darkness. People project their striving onto every layer of their being. So they think that, just as they themselves do, the other layers of their being also strive. So when he is there, when he feels that, he thinks: where is this leading, or what will happen then, or what does this mean and what are the consequences, and where does it come from and where is it going? People are always on their way to something. The point is to let that go. To see that you are not on a journey at all. You are not on a journey. That is a false consciousness. That is a mistaken consciousness. You are not on a journey. You don’t have to do anything else. As a human being, you do a number of things and that is where it ends.
Then I think: surely there is a learning process? But then I also see that as you become ever quieter, that learning process falls away. It simply falls away. I also see that life lies open. It lies open. And it’s just there. And you yourself are part of it too. If you go towards it and think: what must I do, and you go looking for something, then you no longer see it. Then you don’t find it. Then you think that something else must come or happen, but then you only have a very small part of it and you’re dissatisfied with that again.
Life lies open and you yourself are a small part of it. And that is why you do a certain number of things every day and that is it. Nothing else is needed, because all the rest is an illusion. Because it is not true that you have to know and find and believe and think. That is not true at all. If you do not feel well and calm and comfortable and everything goes a bit naturally, then you might ask yourself: why not? Because that isn’t normal. Then you might ask yourself: why doesn’t everything go smoothly and pleasantly? Why don’t I feel calm and at ease? That’s a good question. But there’s nothing else to it. And you don’t need to ask yourself who you are, because for you, everyone is in this place. So it doesn’t matter anymore. You’re simply a part of life, and that’s what’s here. Nothing more.
23-5-2002
T Peace and the caricature of this world
This is a truly beautiful, powerful healing energy.
There is no confusion. There is only this blue energy.
I can breathe in this blue energy. I breathe it in.
The most important thing is to realise that there is no confusion. There is only peace. And every ‘here and there’ from people: “it’s like this there and like that here,” is the ‘yes, but’ with which people shut themselves off. Closing themselves off en masse. And the individual rises up and says: “There is peace. I have seen that there is only peace.” All that confusion is unnecessary.
Come with us, they say, and we’ll show you even more.
I now know who I am. My heart plays a very lovely, beautiful melody.
We’re going a bit deeper now. Here is an even deeper layer of sensing and understanding. Here you can no longer define things; that’s not possible. It’s sensing and understanding. When you enter an atmosphere and you can sense it, then you can handle that atmosphere. If it’s a gentle, friendly atmosphere, then you can handle it.
I see people, as it were, wearing party hats. What are they doing?
That is the caricature of the world. That is the great illusion of the world in which people live. They put on a party hat and think they are happy. Or they don’t have a party hat on and they think: if only I had a party hat, then I would be happy. People see everything as a caricature because they do not know what is real, what is genuine. They do not know authenticity. Here, everything is light and playful, and that is your own feeling.
I also feel the contentment of this atmosphere. Contentment. Then it is as if a certain kind of energy is gently blowing over me. This energy makes my boundaries fade.
Anyone who cannot be content with what they have is unhappy. Having little or having much does not matter.
Being content with what you have. Who is content with their own little world? Who is content in their own atmosphere, in their own little home?
It is as if a little spring is gushing up between my feet with beautiful, red energy. I wash my hands in it. I rub my whole body with it. Then the spring stops.
11-11-2002
T The Buddha of Possibilities, the apprentice weaver, positive and negative fall under one umbrella
The vibration takes over and I disappear into it. The vibration is still formless and shapeless, and very slowly it begins to take shape. The Buddha of Peace greets us.
A feeling as if there is much work to be done. As if everything is going slowly and with difficulty. As if nobody is really up for it today.
But that is the peace you feel. We always arrive exactly where we need to be. We are light and we are heavy. We are the Buddha of possibilities.
I feel that everything, EVERYTHING is possible. Slowly and loudly it is spoken, in a strange-sounding Dutch: Everything is possible.
I am the apprentice Buddha of the weaver. I am a weaver. I come here and do my work. (My hands make a weaving gesture and, whilst speaking, he continues to weave through my hands.) We weave all possibilities together. I am merely the apprentice Buddha of the great Buddha of possibilities. We are always busy with our work. When I come here, I am busy with my work. We weave possibilities.
I float in such a space, in such a space where anything is possible and where there are no boundaries. There are no boundaries between good and evil. There are no boundaries between positive and negative either. There is peace in everything. They give love to things and, for them, everything falls under one umbrella. Positive and negative fall under one umbrella.
That is the peace we give. That is the love we give. Positive and negative fall under one umbrella. We know no difference; we turn a blind eye to that. We live in wisdom. We always know what we are doing. We breathe our peace over everything. We have come into the space where there is nothing, where everything is let go. (Hands go all the way to the floor.) Here is the space (hands at the heart, circular movement).
I can feel what I can achieve when I enter that space. Then I feel that one is lord and master over everything. So they have now given me this space and I am going to observe. Everything is so let go. One cannot hold on to anything at all. Everything is so loose.
24-7-2000
T The teachers of emptiness, the insight from emptiness and the impression of the hermit
In this trance experience, energies of very subtle vibrations arise, for these energies are close to the void. They attempt to explain why, at a certain point in my cycle of incarnations, I had decided to become a hermit. I did so. I was not the only one. Sometimes it is indeed fitting for someone to become a hermit, if it is the call from the soul. The urge can also stem from a touch of the void, as explained in this trance experience, and which was my situation. Since the urge arising from the touch of the void was still strongly present in this incarnation, they have come to explain what was going on so that I could more easily grow out of it, for I did not want to let go of that for a long time. They explain it.
I see where the hermit is. I see that the hermit does not understand life because he skips that part. So the insight is that the hermit has left all that behind and that the hermit therefore does not understand, because that is not of the hermit. It is not for the hermit to say whether something is of him. The hermit is not a separate entity at all. It is the part that has seen and that must constantly be brought back into balance with the whole. And we call that part the hermit. That part itself does not exist. It is an impression of the touch of the void. And the void wants this to be said: it cannot express itself. So the hermit is not quite right either. We might say: not in the right feeling. But we cannot put it into words. There is no spiritual defence against the hermit’s spiritual insight, for that insight stands firm. That is the void. He has experienced it. That insight has a definitive character. But they are never our words.
We can only speak at the end, at the end of every evolution. Before that, one must always be careful. Before that, it is always the spirit itself. The hermit is the spirit itself and we cannot defend ourselves against this. We cannot prevent the hermit’s insight from being. It is our touch. It is our touch. Our touch is indeed real, it is genuine. We cannot prevent the impression that then arises. But we can only speak at the end of every complete evolution. We speak only at the end, and only then is everything understood. Before that, there is no understanding. There is understanding, we also call that the true understanding of that layer, for that layer it is true understanding. So we respect that as true understanding. And that layer must therefore be careful with its true understanding, for it is not the true understanding, as that may still take a very long time. So our words are not our words. They are the impressions. It is the impression of the insight into the spirit, into the human being.
Our words come from total emptiness and therefore have no influence, do not wish to have influence; they come from total emptiness. So when we speak of things, of the utter insignificance of humanity, it makes no sense for that to have any influence, because our words come from emptiness. This insight comes from emptiness. Everything comes from emptiness.
It is the impression of man. Man can possess nothing. It is the impression of man who thinks that emptiness is something to live by in such and such a way or to possess. It is completely empty. So man strives for it, but there is nothing. So we cannot express the emptiness. And we cannot reveal the emptiness behind every word. But if man could see the emptiness behind every word, he would let them fall away just as quickly, for there is nothing of this sort or that. Yet we do convey impressions. So we do convey those impressions, for otherwise: why should emptiness speak? Emptiness can also keep silent. So emptiness can keep silent, and this makes no sense whatsoever. And then we say: we are one big family.
We cannot prevent our children from falling if we take them on the journey. We cannot prevent that. So the children must learn that for themselves. But if they are not always prepared and make a mistake, we cannot prevent that. But they must learn quickly, and of course the intention is that they learn; otherwise it makes no sense.
We have now looked at the hermit as part of the spirit. It is not possible to experience that emptiness. Once the emptiness has been there, something always lingers, and we cannot make that any purer. So we say: come along on our journey. But we cannot prevent you from stubbing your toe. Or perhaps the child falls down. But the light of truth tries to shine and cannot say anything to anyone. So the light of truth is always that discoloured light. So we cannot convey the void. That requires the total solution.
We are one. We are one. Our life is one. My life is your life and your life is my life. We are one. (The little bird outside is singing.) Yes, now we see the moment when everything is intertwined, one, in harmonious peace. That is the moment that comes closest to us. The moment in which everything is embraced and united in harmonious peace is the moment of the feeling that comes closest to us. We act as teachers.
“What is the purpose of this, since you are such exalted teachers?”
We can only return to unity. This spirit now feels us as itself. This spirit now feels us as itself. We arise from the process of evolution. Everything goes like this: the flow moves within a total embedding of life. We are the embedding. Here we draw everything towards us. We hold our hand open and draw everything towards us. The reflection of our light on people’s faces is not flawless. We stand and we shine, and people see us and come towards us. We see their detour, but we always shine. It is life itself that we are. We are the embedding in which everything is. We are always teachers, whether we speak or not. We are always teachers. It is the contact. The contact with all creatures—that is the moment when we are teachers. That is our teaching. Then we are teachers. We are teachers in the moment of contact with all creatures. But we can only shine. (The little bird is whistling outside again.) The realisation of our oneness is always the realisation, the human realisation. When we are one, where we are one, is in the void.
3-12-2000
T Cosmos-creating energies and the protective effect of energies
Another trance experience that borders on the void, just emerging from it, and then the experience of the great creation – that is one of the cosmoses. And who knows what else exists. We have no way of knowing.
I now have the feeling that I am sitting in a sort of waiting room in a rocking chair. (My head is bobbing slightly up and down.) I am now becoming very sluggish. I am now becoming very sluggish and heavy. I can’t concentrate on anything anymore either. I’m about to drift off completely.
Now I feel that I have been placed in another body. This is a different body. I cannot make out the shape of the body.
I see clouds of energy around me. I see clouds in colours too, calm and peaceful. There is also a great deal of light. I cannot define myself any further.
There is no mutual communication here. Like a black marble, this energy created the entire cosmos in one fell swoop. Everything has a fixed place there and you simply see energies lying everywhere. That is difficult, the strange thing, if you want to mix it with human knowledge. You cannot compare it with human knowledge. These energies form the stars and everything. And that is an event taking place at a distance. So we are not part of that energy. The interplay of energies creates impersonal consciousness.
You cannot grasp that. You cannot grasp that. How those energies are conscious, you cannot grasp that; impersonal knowledge, so ‘beyond’.
If I turn my attention inwards to the energy: there is the void.
You cannot enter the void. Energy is already created. That energy is like a breath. The void is unlike anything else. Energy is not comparable to the void. The void is completely different.
We can only look into energies. Because in the void we would dissolve completely. Energy is protective.
The cosmos is peaceful.
Everything is created there. According to fixed patterns and neutrally. There is nothing to understand about neutrality. Neutral is neutral. It passes completely beyond our consciousness. It passes beyond everything, beyond everything. (Outside, a little bird is whistling very earnestly.)
Human beings are not important. Human energy is a phase. The concept of ‘human’ does not exist there.
The fuel is running out. The little bird whistles me back. The little bird keeps whistling loudly.
18-4-2001